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ON A HIDING TO NOTHING

by On a Hiding To Nothing

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1.
any day now 03:18
if you've had the pleasure of 5 drunk minutes with me then you'll know all about my situation, that what i'm doing now's just to tide me over and how i'm still right on track to fulfill my aspirations. and i'll make it sound easy, like it's a formality, like we might as well already just assume i've made it, or at least i'm about to, despite appearing to be doing nothing, trust me, it'll fall into place soon. cos i've got this all figured out (it's not like there's a hurry though), i'll get my arse up off this couch (straight after this next tv show), put in the work and secure the great things i'm destined for. actually it's a bit late now (but i swear i'll do it tomorrow). now please allow me to bore the fucking piss out of you with the latest set of plans i'll never act on. they're different to that last plan i relayed the other week, i never quite got round to following up on that one, but this latest strategy is practically guaranteed, just needs a little time and effort to be spent. i'll get round to it soon, i'd do it now but you know how it is, i'm just a bit busy at the moment. cos i've got this all figured out (it's not like there's a hurry though), i'll get my arse up off this couch (straight after this next tv show), put in the work and secure the great things i'm destined for. actually it's a bit late now (but i swear i'll do it tomorrow). so i'll keep banging on about how close i am even though i've done nothing yet. cos really talking about what i'm gonna do tomorrow is as far as i'll get. sorting my shit out just always sounds so simple when i've had a few, but i'll wake up the next day and i'll always have far too much pointless stuff to do. and i'll make it sound easy, like it's all mapped out for me, like we might as well already just assume that i'm not just some fucking loser doing nothing, going nowhere, trust me i'll be someone someday soon. cos i've got this all figured out (it's not like there's a hurry though), i'll get my arse up off this couch, (straight after this next tv show), put in the work and secure the great things i'm destined for. actually it's a bit late now (but i swear i'll do soon though), i'm a bit tired now so.. (i'll do it tomorrow).
2.
gag reflex 03:01
it's friday night, 11.30, words are slurred and vision's blurry, probly drank a bit more than i should. i'm not quite sure of the amount, it's not a good sign, losing count, the rest of the night's prognosis isn't good. start to stagger home but can't withstand the lure of the burger van though i know i'll regret it later on. yeah i know my stomach's gonna pay but swallow it down anyway, it'll be on its way back up before too long, when i'll be sprawled out, gagging, eyes rolled back in my head, waiting for my next stomach-churning, tonsil-burning torrential outpour. cos my legs don't work and eyes don't seem to focus anymore so i guess i'll be sleeping in a vomit-reeking, sweaty heap on this cold fucking bathroom floor. once home it seems like a good plan to smoke, and my retarded hands manage to skin up at the third attempt. two lungfulls and the nausea's kicking in and soon the room begins to spin, a self-induced coma feels imminent. but as i lay down and close my eyes my stomach contents start to rise so i pay the bathroom a hasty visit then try for my bed once the puking ends, but moving sets me off again so i might just rest my eyes here for a bit... so now i'm sprawled out, gagging, eyes rolled back in my head, waiting for my next stomach-churning, tonsil-burning torrential outpour. cos my legs don't work and eyes don't seem to focus anymore so i guess i'll be sleeping in a vomit-reeking, sweaty heap on this cold fucking bathroom floor. i'm feeling pretty drained now, i've been driving the porcelain bus for miles. face down on linoleum's not what i meant by a night on the tiles. vomit drips from my lips as i slip into unconsciousness knowing i'm still owed a day of feeling like shit for this evening's excess.
3.
braindead 02:56
i guess you could call me kind of vacuous, or maybe that's just how it seems cos everything i know i learned from breakfast radio and tv talk shows and magazines. and maybe that's all a person ever really needs to get by, maybe my head's already full enough, or maybe i've got more important things to do with my time than learning things and knowing stuff. let's not talk politics about countries of which i've never even heard the name, because with all of these awesome celebrities and so much on tv there's not really room left for that sort of shit in my brain. see i judge worth on how attractive someone is - how much they earn, not how much someone knows. and what's being clever ever done for anyone other than make them seem a bit weird and wear rubbish clothes? and i'm a solid 8, maybe even a 9 in certain light and deep down that's what really counts, not knowing lots of boring things about lots of boring countries i've never heard of and can't pronounce. let's not talk politics about countries of which i've never even heard the name, because with all of these awesome celebrities and so much on tv there's not really room left for that sort of shit in my brain. i can't tell you who runs the country, or correctly use an apostrophe, foreigns know better english than that wot i speak but i'm clued up on x-factor and who's banging katie price this week. let's not talk politics about countries of which i've never even heard the name (they sound the same), because with all of these awesome celebrities and so much on tv there's not really room left for that sort of shit in my brain
4.
paperboy 04:27
i'm a busy man so need a newspaper that gives it to me straight and filters out the shit that i don't need, like balanced arguments, so i can get on with believing pretty much everything i read. highlighted key points and simple language make it easy to regurgitate the opinions i'm shown. it's less time-consuming and intellectually challenging than actually bothering to form my own. so give me xenophobic, uninformed, sensationalist views, all simplified, that's how i take my news. and hold the polysyllabics, they just serve to make me confused. so what if there's an agenda? who cares about a lie or two? or a lack of a source or quote or fact? they wouldn't print it if it wasn't true. the large font and basic sentences and opinions presented as facts in every story mean i don't have to waste effort actually thinking i just let the paper make up my mind for me. and they know their readers' minds so keep the words simple and small when making unsubstantiated claims - ignorant, reactionary, limited vocabulary, and a tendency to not engage the brain. so i don't question the un-named sources' suspiciously succinct quotes or unfounded allegations they wrote, i just open wide and let the bullshit get rammed down my throat. so what if there's an agenda? who cares about lie or two? or a lack of a source or quote or fact? they wouldn't print it if it wasn't true, so i take it all at face value, and continue buying into each bullshit issue. you might say i'm gullible, easily led, cos i believe every word i read and every quote that 'one insider said' but i guess i just fail to see the blatant political agenda, the sweeping generalisations, and the thinly disguised right-wing propaganda, they look like cold hard facts to me. i only need one source of information, it tells me all that's wrong with our great nation is caused by binge-drinking and immigration and why should i doubt what they print? so me and ten million other sheep will carry on with our brains half-asleep, we'll keep on avoiding thinking too deep, we'll just let other people keep telling us what to think.

credits

released April 20, 2015

al - vox/guitar
ebola fruit - guitar/vox
jack - bass/vox
johnnycakes - drums

recorded, mixed and mastered by the very clever rob quickenden at ford lane studios

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On a Hiding To Nothing London, UK

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